Betty* is an 80-year-old widowed mother of two daughters, Janine and Michelle. Betty describes Janine as a type-A personality: opinionated, stubborn and controlling. Michelle, on the other hand, has a temperament more like Betty’s in that they are both easygoing, conflict-adverse and see eye-to-eye on many issues. Janine and Michelle have always had a difficult relationship due to their very different personalities.
Betty, of course, loves them equally. But she doesn’t want Janine involved with her estate planning, as she’s not comfortable with Janine being in control of financial or medical decisions should Betty become incapacitated or when she dies. On the other hand, she wants to give Michelle power of attorney (POA) and name her as estate executor because she trusts Michelle will carry out her wishes the way she wants.
When Betty met with us, she brought Michelle but was worried about how Janine would react to not being given POA or named as a co-executor of the estate. She doesn’t want her daughters to fight and doesn’t want her decisions to cause conflict or tension.
The advice we gave Betty applies to anyone in a similar situation: Don’t default to giving your children co-powers of attorneys or naming them as co-executors of your estate if it doesn’t make sense to do so. In fact, sometimes the better choice is someone other than your children if giving one or more the authority over your medical and financial decisions creates a recipe for disaster.
There are a lot of considerations that go into choosing the people who will serve as your POA and estate executor. You may have specific reasons for not choosing any or all your children or for picking someone else entirely — whether that be a trusted friend or family member or a professional, like an attorney.
When selecting people to serve as your POA and/or executor of your estate, it’s essential to consider qualities that align with both the duties each role demands as well as your comfort with the individuals. Here are some factors to consider:
- Trustworthiness and Integrity — Both roles require the individual to make decisions in your best interest and to carry out your wishes as specified. Choose someone whose integrity and ethical standards you trust implicitly, as they will have access to sensitive information and, potentially, to your assets.
- Financial and Organizational Competence — These roles often involve managing finances, making payments, handling investments and keeping accurate records. Ensure that your selection(s) have strong organizational skills and financial literacy and that they can manage complex financial tasks without becoming overwhelmed.
- Dependability and Availability — The POA or executor may need to take immediate action or commit significant time to manage tasks, especially if there are urgent healthcare or financial decisions. Select an individual who is reliable and has the flexibility in their schedule to attend to necessary tasks without delay.
- Ability to Remain Objective and Unbiased — Family dynamics can sometimes complicate decision-making and estate administration. Someone who can remain fair and neutral will help reduce potential conflicts.
- Location and Proximity — While not always a deciding factor, someone nearby can more easily handle in-person matters, such as meeting with doctors, attorneys, bankers or other professionals.
- Willingness to Serve and Capability to Follow Instructions — The person you choose should fully understand the responsibilities and be willing to take on the role. Select someone who agrees to follow your instructions precisely, respects your wishes and understands your values.
- Resilience Under Stress — Making medical decisions, managing finances or executing an estate can be emotionally taxing, particularly if family members have strong opinions. An individual who stays calm under pressure and can communicate effectively with others during challenging situations will be an effective representative.
Betty weighed these considerations carefully and stuck with her gut to name only Michelle as POA and estate executor. In the end, she decided it was more important that her wishes be respected and carried out smoothly. By communicating the decision she made and why to Janine, she was able to minimize potential future stress and conflict between her daughters.
Do you need assistance in navigating challenging decisions in your estate planning? The sensitive and knowledgeable attorneys at TREEL are here to provide guidance and advice to ensure your wishes and needs are met. Contact us today.
*Names and some details have been changed to protect the client’s privacy.
